Trust: Abundance, or Lack?

Hey Gusby and friends,

I was listening to a radio morning show this morning, and they had a married couple on-air that was bickering back and forth over the husband's spending habits. What it boiled down to was that she didn't trust him, which leads me to my question to all of you.

How much trust is there in your relationship?

I think that in my relationship with my spouse, there is an abundance of trust. I have faith that she's happy in our relationship and that everything she does is in both of our best interests, or at least certainly not against our best interests. If she calls home towards the end of the work day, saying that an unplanned happy hour is forming up, I know that just means she wants to spend some outside-of-work time with coworkers who have become actual friends. I don't rummage through her internet history, or snoop in her phone, or watch the bank account like a hawk, because I trust that everything she's doing falls well within the guidelines of maintaining and growing a healthy, happy marriage. I'm pretty sure she feels the same way, but if she does snoop, search or rummage, she doesn't tell me, because there's nothing untoward to find out. I just don't do anything untrustworthy.

On the flip side, I have been in a serious relationship with someone that I didn't trust, who also didn't trust me. If she called after work to say she was going to be late, I paced around our apartment wondering who she was with (most of the time, this was justified worry, as I found out later that she had been cheating on me). If I called after work, she usually got into the car and came to where I said I was going to be, sneaking around to make sure I wasn't with some other woman. (I've never cheated on anyone. Ever. Nor have I ever given anyone a real, logical reason to think that I might be.)

After having both types of relationships, it was a pretty easy decision to make as to which one I prefer, and nearly 8 years of marriage attests to that choice. So what about you? Do you trust your partner implicitly, without the need to ask for any details about random changes (like a sudden happy hour, or long hours in the office)? Do you trust your partner implicitly, as long as you get some sort of explanation? Do you trust your partner in theory, but sneak around to try to find out what they're up to on their phones, or computers? If you and your partner have a secure level of trust, what steps do you take to work on and maintain it?