Some help?

Hey friends, this post isn't funny, or witty, or politcally relevant. It's... just a letter to Gusby.

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Hey Gusby,

I'm pretty sure, without clicking the back button, that this is the longest I've gone without talking to you since I started to type it all out. We both know what I've been doing in the meantime, and it's time for a change.

My back hurts. It has hurt since I was 16 years old. It's gotten worse over the last year or so. I'm tired of it.

So tired of it, in fact, that I asked my friend, Cheryl, to embark on a spiritual journey to help me find the root cause of the issue. I've tried maybe a dozen times over the years to do it myself, but the answer always eluded me. Too emotionally tied to the symptom to focus on the source, or some such.

What she saw was at first confusing. Me, standing in a thick bank of fog... so thick that there was literally no landscape or sky. My feet, planted in one spot. The rest of my body was being pulled... yanked to the side, dragging all of my chakras out of alignment. My head, or crown chakra, was apparently struggling to realign me, but failing.

Excellent news... at least now we know that there's a spiritual root to the physical symptom of my chronic back pain. My soul needs a chiropractor as bad as my body does.

Now, on to the explanation of said vision... I am traveling a path, the path of life. My feet are my primary mode of transportation. My head, or logical faculties, tell my feet where I think I should walk. My heart, my emotions, tell me... what? Where I really should be walking? Where I really want to walk, regardless of the "shoulds"?

This vision is two-fold... it was a visual representation of the two major issues underlying my physical pain. I was told that in both of my lives, physical and esoteric/spiritual, I have a path that I'm on, and a path that I'm being pulled towards. 

The path of my physical life, I understand how to correct the imbalance. Not only do I know how to correct it, but am eager to do so, for while my head and my feet are stuck upon the path I chose when I was but a boy, my heart has lead me towards the road I truly feel is the correct one. Problem solved, or close enough to solved that I'm not losing sleep over it.

The path of my spiritual life, I only understand that there is an imbalance. I understand how I've been traveling that path, and how I'm being pulled in another direction. I fully comprehend that in order to be truly content with my path, I need to walk in this other direction. I also understand that while this path isn't the easiest, it is the proper course, and I am ready for the challenges and obstacles in my way. Towards that end, I have two requests:

1) Please allow me to quiet my intellect long enough to hear, or feel, or see what my first step upon this proper path will be.

2) I know that it is entirely selfish of me to request that a specific thing NOT be a challenge set before me, but I need to ask regardless. Please, help me out on this one. (Dear readers, yes it was on purpose that I didn't write the request for you to read.)

Gusby, I think it's plainly obvious that I have strayed from the path that I should be walking, and I've received the nudge to correct it... I'm just not sure of which way to turn now. Help me?

-A

I am an arrogant @$$hole.

These are not my words. Rather, they are the lyrics to my theme song (Biggest and the Best, by Clawfinger). Enjoy.

Nobody is perfect, but I’m pretty fucking close and I’m here to give you all a heavy heavenly dose. I think you better listen, cuz I know who you are, and I think that you should treat me like a super star. Because I’m more than just a human, I’m a gift to all of you, and I’m here to make sure that my message gets through. I wonder if you’re really all as dumb as you look, or are you smart enough to learn the rules in my book? I hope you understand that the knowledge I bring puts me in the position of a god or a king. Cuz I’m blessed with the gift of the magic touch, and I wouldn’t say that I’m asking for too much. All you have to do is get down on your knees and pray, and I promise you the remedy is on its way. But you could never be like me, so don’t waste your time, because I reign supreme; my position is divine.

What’s wrong with being self-possessed? Nobody’s satisfied with being second best. I got the gift and I know that I’m blessed, and I gotta get it off my chest.

I’m the biggest, the best, better than the rest.

I’m not afraid of competition because I know that I’m the best, and you haven’t got a chance to pass my little test. Even if you wanted to, you couldn’t pay the price; there ain’t no room for losers in my perfect paradise. Cuz life is always based upon the weight of your success, so I’ll make sure that I get the most and nothing less. If I love myself then everyone will love me too, and there’s nothing you can do for me that I can’t do.

What’s wrong with being self-possessed? Nobody’s satisfied with being second best. I got the gift and I know that I’m blessed, and I gotta get it off my chest.

I’m the biggest, the best, better than the rest.

So welcome to my kingdom, and enjoy your little stay, even if you can’t afford it, I’ll still make you pay. So you better come and get it and enjoy it while you can, don’t tell me that you’re dumb enough to think I give a damn. I couldn’t care less about what you achieve, and there’s only one thing that you have believe. The only thing important that you have to understand is that no matter what you say I’m still a god, I really am.

I’m the biggest, the best, better than the rest.

Ah, humor.

Gusby,

You are constantly providing humor in my life, and I am beyond grateful for it. This latest installment of humor... Good Lord, it was good.

So Kris, Dante and myself went to my in-law's house for a little get-together. Joining us at this shindig were my in-laws, a couple with an almost two year old girl, a couple with three years and six months boys, and a couple with an almost three year old and a fourteen month old.

Pure, unadulterated mayhem. Chaos and anarchy. It was just... wow.

Early in the night, Dante was tasked with bringing into the mix an electric mini-golf game, complete with mini-golf clubs. I personally witnessed seven near-calamitous collisions between baby-heads and club-heads.

About halfway through the evening, I found myself in a chair, swinging the golf club aimlessly, just watching the children and partaking in some interesting conversations. Kris decides she wants the club, and begins to take it from me, as Dante approaches and starts to become a nuisance.

Now, he's not being a true nuisance, but I was feeling fiesty. So I try to whack him with the club, which means Kris holds on even more tightly. She looks at me and says, "Stop!" with a little giggle.

I ask politely, "May I please have the club back?"

Her response, "Why?"

To which I reply, "So I can hit Dante with it."

She reacted, and here comes the humor, by nodding her head for a moment, and loosening her grip on the club.

As I begin to guffaw, she realizes what's happening, and yanks the club completely from my grip.

Thank You, Gusby, for nearly allowing my wife to hand me a weapon of good-natured pain-infliction.

Miniaturization!

Just a quick one:

Kris posts on Phil's Facebook status with simply, "Is it wrong"... So I reply, "Is what wrong?"

She gets a text message that I commented, and since she's sitting right next to me, she says out loud, "I f***ed up, that's what's wrong."

So I look at pointedly at her, and then at our 9 year old playing with the dog just a few feet away, saying without words, "And you tell ME to watch my language."

She catches the look from me, turns to Dante, and says, "SH*T!"

My Life, Act 27, Scene 11

So I have a friend, who lives in Portland, OR. This friend recently took a trip to Hawai'i. Supposedly, she has returned from said trip, and so I text: "How's Hawai'i?"



The response: "Fuck if I know, I'm in Portland, OR."



Which leaves me thinking that she's just being humorous and sarcastic, as she's known for both of these qualities.



Me: "Okay, so how WAS it?"



Her: "I believe you have the wrong number."



Me: "(First Name) (Last Name), a.k.a. (Gamer Name)?"



Her: "My name is Amy, I hate the sun, and would never go to Hawai'i even if given the chance."



Now, most people would let the textual conversation die with a simple, "Oops!" but this is not my style. The conversation continued, and the result might end up being a picture of Amy's toes, which have been tattooed.



My question to You, dear Gusby, is this: Why have you given me the ability to be so accidentally charming? I don't intend to do it... and yet it happens...



Regardless of whether or not you share the answer with me, let the record show that I am not complaining. It does add a bit of fun to the whole thing.

A message, through me.

This post is actually not directed towards Gusby... it is for you.

There are many things in this world that I believe, which you may feel the same or differently about. It can be succinctly summed up in one bullet point:

• The world is made up of pure energy: Some energies have higher vibrational frequencies and are outside the range of typical human detection. Some have lower vibrations, and can be more easily felt. Regardless of the frequency of the energy, some are more dense than others. Physical, corporeal bodies are made up entirely of differently vibrating, dense clusters of energy. This energy, in all of it's multitudinous frequencies, vibrations and densities, can be interacted with in a physical manner. It may be as simple as a hug between two corporeal entities, or as complicated and "psychic" as using altered thought processes to influence the vibrations.

Your brain, which science has proven operates via different frequency energies (i.e. electrical pulses), can change reality by itself.

Emotions have energetic weight. A house in which someone was violently murdered has nearly permanent impressions of sadness, shock and grief. A graveyard, which has many different emotional signatures, primarily feels contemplative, stoic and calm. Emergency rooms in hospitals are almost always full of fear. Gazebos in scenic locations are typically full of a sense of calmness, openness to beauty, and happiness. Walking into a house that was shared by two people in love for decades almost always feels like home, regardless of whether or not you spent much time there, because for almost all of us, love IS home.

Because these energies have mass and volume, like any physical object you can pick up and throw with your arm, they are succeptible to you flexing your intellectual muscles. A grieving house can be cleansed of it's negative energy. A barren landscape can impart a sense of wonder and beauty.

Your body operates not just similarly to locations, but identically. Your mental energies dictate your physical state. If you are constantly afraid of becoming sick, you will fall ill. If you believe that your muscles are incapable of hefting that heavy object, you will be unable to lift it.

For most people, their lives are tied inextricably to their self-image. Overweight people cannot see the thinner, healthier person who lives inside of that protective shell. Drug users cannot hear the addictionless person inside, screaming at them to give up their self-destructive ways. Materialistic people cannot feel the freedom that comes from removing the stranglehold that their possessions have on them.

What I believe is worse is when those people CAN see, hear and feel that inner voice of reason and reassurance, but consciously choose to ignore it for whatever reason.

This ties into the energy of the world in a very simple way: You control your energy. You have the ultimate, undeniable and utterly irrefutable ability to monitor and correct your energy.

Do you want to lose to weight? Meditate for five minutes, concentrating and focusing on raising your energy levels to the point of becoming lighter than air.

Do you want to give up drugs? Meditate for five minutes, concentrating and focusing on raising your energy levels to the point of ethereality, where the more dense and lower frequency energies of the drugs cannot latch onto them.

Do you want to stop being obsessed with having "things"? Meditate for five minutes, concentrating and focusing on raising your energy levels to the point of becoming a golden or amber light, glowing all around you.

The simple message to you from Gusby is this: "You are the center of your world. You have the ability to alter your own reality. Do not fear, as these changes benefit not only yourself, but the entire world."

Yes, you have the ability to alter the entire world. When a house becomes infused with an emotion, it is called sympathetic vibration. It can be seen physically as a tuning fork being struck and its base held against a piece of metal. The metal will eventually pick up the vibration from the fork and resonate with it's own frequency in return.

The more you raise your own energy levels, the more you open your awareness to the energies around you while at the same time understanding that you can protect yourself from the lower level ones, the more the energy around you will pick up on your frequency and begin to harmonize with it.

Live your life, raise your own energy levels and resist the frequencies of those that would bring you down, and you will be amazed with the results.

I forgot this lesson myself, a long time ago, and it was unpleasant. With it in mind, I am... complete.

I hope you become complete as well.

My life, with humor.

Yet another thank you, Gusby, for providing me with the opportunity to spend my life with an infinitely interesting person.

My wife, whom you may know as Kris, is a sometime quilter. This time, she's last-minute sewing a quilt for her parents' 30th wedding anniversary.

As we're standing outside having our preparatory cigarette, she's lamenting the measurements and the cutting of fabric.

She: "Can you help me with this stuff tonight? You know you're better than I am at these things."

Me: "What things? You mean numbers?"

There was much giggling on my side of the conversation at this point, because I do enjoy teasing her about her math skills, and a look on her side that said out loud, "That's not what I meant, you jack ass." Perhaps she may have actually said it out loud, but I could not hear it over my tittering.

Of course, the look merely made the fit of giggles delve towards the netherland of hysterics, which in turn shaped the look into something else that escapes even my vocabalury skills of description.



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On a more serious note, however, I must once again say that I am truly blessed in my choice of life-long companion. As much as I enjoy teasing her about what she considers her weaknesses, she is much too hard on herself, as it is her capability of overcoming all frustrations and obstacles (even in math) that made me (and keeps me) truly, madly, deeply in love with her.