I am an arrogant @$$hole.

These are not my words. Rather, they are the lyrics to my theme song (Biggest and the Best, by Clawfinger). Enjoy.

Nobody is perfect, but I’m pretty fucking close and I’m here to give you all a heavy heavenly dose. I think you better listen, cuz I know who you are, and I think that you should treat me like a super star. Because I’m more than just a human, I’m a gift to all of you, and I’m here to make sure that my message gets through. I wonder if you’re really all as dumb as you look, or are you smart enough to learn the rules in my book? I hope you understand that the knowledge I bring puts me in the position of a god or a king. Cuz I’m blessed with the gift of the magic touch, and I wouldn’t say that I’m asking for too much. All you have to do is get down on your knees and pray, and I promise you the remedy is on its way. But you could never be like me, so don’t waste your time, because I reign supreme; my position is divine.

What’s wrong with being self-possessed? Nobody’s satisfied with being second best. I got the gift and I know that I’m blessed, and I gotta get it off my chest.

I’m the biggest, the best, better than the rest.

I’m not afraid of competition because I know that I’m the best, and you haven’t got a chance to pass my little test. Even if you wanted to, you couldn’t pay the price; there ain’t no room for losers in my perfect paradise. Cuz life is always based upon the weight of your success, so I’ll make sure that I get the most and nothing less. If I love myself then everyone will love me too, and there’s nothing you can do for me that I can’t do.

What’s wrong with being self-possessed? Nobody’s satisfied with being second best. I got the gift and I know that I’m blessed, and I gotta get it off my chest.

I’m the biggest, the best, better than the rest.

So welcome to my kingdom, and enjoy your little stay, even if you can’t afford it, I’ll still make you pay. So you better come and get it and enjoy it while you can, don’t tell me that you’re dumb enough to think I give a damn. I couldn’t care less about what you achieve, and there’s only one thing that you have believe. The only thing important that you have to understand is that no matter what you say I’m still a god, I really am.

I’m the biggest, the best, better than the rest.

Ah, humor.

Gusby,

You are constantly providing humor in my life, and I am beyond grateful for it. This latest installment of humor... Good Lord, it was good.

So Kris, Dante and myself went to my in-law's house for a little get-together. Joining us at this shindig were my in-laws, a couple with an almost two year old girl, a couple with three years and six months boys, and a couple with an almost three year old and a fourteen month old.

Pure, unadulterated mayhem. Chaos and anarchy. It was just... wow.

Early in the night, Dante was tasked with bringing into the mix an electric mini-golf game, complete with mini-golf clubs. I personally witnessed seven near-calamitous collisions between baby-heads and club-heads.

About halfway through the evening, I found myself in a chair, swinging the golf club aimlessly, just watching the children and partaking in some interesting conversations. Kris decides she wants the club, and begins to take it from me, as Dante approaches and starts to become a nuisance.

Now, he's not being a true nuisance, but I was feeling fiesty. So I try to whack him with the club, which means Kris holds on even more tightly. She looks at me and says, "Stop!" with a little giggle.

I ask politely, "May I please have the club back?"

Her response, "Why?"

To which I reply, "So I can hit Dante with it."

She reacted, and here comes the humor, by nodding her head for a moment, and loosening her grip on the club.

As I begin to guffaw, she realizes what's happening, and yanks the club completely from my grip.

Thank You, Gusby, for nearly allowing my wife to hand me a weapon of good-natured pain-infliction.